BLUE SKY VINE

VULNERABILITY

I’m discovering that there are a great many moods I have everyday. Sometimes I’m very peaceful, full of positive energy, open, imaginative and resourceful. I am excited about different aspects of my life and grounded.

There are other times my moods I may feel lethargic, anxious, uncertain, ungrounded, lazy, VULNERABLE and panicky. Sometimes I feel more than one mood each day.

Now here is a word that can make us feel, well VULNERABLE, meaning, self conscious, embarrassed, a ‘target’, hurt, criticized, fearful, anxious, confused, etc.

I came across this word a week or so ago and can’t stop thinking about it’s meaning and ramifications. Ever since October, when I cut my leg on my garden bed, then fell in my apartment in February, I have felt VULNERABLE. I’m very careful (even more than before) of where and how I walk, actually do everything! It is an unsettling feeling but I feel I have no choice any more. I INTEND to stay healthy and safe!

The biggest discovery I have made is that I’m always VULNERABLE and alas, so are all of us. When we think about it, all of nature is VULNERABLE, the weather, preying animals for starters. We have to watch much more carefully how we do all manner of movements. One of the surest feelings about VULNERABILITY is that I feel like the ground is shifting beneath me. Groundlessness and uncertainty that I may get hurt. So I’m much more AWARE of what I can do and what I am actually doing.

This is one of the greatest truths I have learned: If I’m AWARE of what I am doing, I’m PRACTICING being more CONSCIOUS of myself and therefore I have a feeling of control, even though I do not always have control. This helps me accept the PRESENT moment and be with myself in a more loving-kindness way. I’m watching myself like I watch a movie. SAFETY and ATTENTION are key.

I used to think that if I paid too much attention to myself I would be selfish. I no longer feel that way because I’m taking care of myself and in that way I (hopefully) inspire others to take care of themselves. When we see another person who perhaps feels VULNERABLE, we can reach out to them, if only a smile, and appreciate what they may be feeling. We are all the SAME even though we look different and like different things, we are basically the SAME.

I feel if we take RESPONSIBILITY for who we are and what is going on with us, we can tap into the JOY that is beneath all the ‘other stuff’.

Appreciating oneself

Gives us control

Even if we haven’t any.

BLESSINGS